I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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