That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
