eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
