Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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