Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
