oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The convent might be a nice break from real life
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
