True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
