too bad you live with your parents still
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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