Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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