Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
