Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
