well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
