She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
