You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
