ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize