pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
