You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
