do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
