Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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