The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
