i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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