the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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