New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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