Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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