Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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