cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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