what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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