Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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