I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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