I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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