He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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