Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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