I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You can't special order awesome
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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