Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
