Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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