You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
