I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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