Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
