Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
