Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
