I never want to see another naked old woman again.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just gift wrapped bread.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
