So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
