singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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