oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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