question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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