i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
