I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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