My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
