i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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