Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So vagazzling was a success
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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