i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i've created a new STD.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize