So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
