It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
