He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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