She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
