mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
