you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
