I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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