addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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