I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
