How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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