im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
