the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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