Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
