perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
