you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
