apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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