And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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