you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
