i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just had sex bonerless
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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