I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
