Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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