end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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