I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
