Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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