Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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