I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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