I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
