I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
