Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize