He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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