She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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