3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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