We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
