my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize