Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wish I could teleport
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
