Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
