you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
