I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
