I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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