"it" just moved
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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