Duck Duck Cougar?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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