your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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