Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
