so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
